Updated 29th March 2020:
I decided to update this post because as i write the country has been on lockdown due to the Coronavirus pandemic for a whole week now. And it’s looking more and more likely to continue for a number of weeks to come.
Households up and down the country are finding themselves stuck indoors with not only the kids but also their partners/husbands/wives/significant others. Imagine it, 24/7 with your partner in the same house, unable to leave except for essential food items or a small amount of exercise.
Sounds like madness? Well, that’s because it is. If you can just about tolerate your partner on a normal day when they or you head off to work Monday to Friday, only really spend proper time together at the weekend. Then your gonna struggle during the lockdown.
Add to this a woman’s natural cycle with all the hormones that come around too – things have the potential to get pretty fraught.
So what better blog post to update than 3 Reasons You Might Want A Divorce During PMS. It seems there’s never been more of a relatable time than now.
3 Reasons You Might Want A Divorce During PMS
If you’re anything like me PMS is a loud reality on the run-up to “that time of the month”. The term and the meaning of PMS are thrown around liberally as an excuse for being a bit of a bitch or just generally being in a bad mood. But, true PMS is NOT just a bad mood and it’s not an excuse to be used lightly.
If you were to ask my hubby, he’d probably tell you it’s my psychotic Dragon emerging, that comes and goes during the week before my period. Even sometimes just randomly throughout the month (although he wouldn’t dare say this to my face). And, I have to admit, he wouldn’t be exaggerating.
Premenstrual Syndrome not only gives you extreme mood swings – happy one moment to crying & wanting to physically hurt someone the next (usually my other half or the guy that cut me up on the way to Tesco the other day) – It also temporarily impairs your whole thought process. It puts thoughts in your head that wouldn’t normally be there. It can make you believe without a doubt that you’re being completely rational when in reality your acting like a bit of a lunatic.
And, it’s not until the symptoms subside that you realise what an absolute nut case you really are.
That’s it, it’s over!
There are times when I really do think I’m going to leave my other half because he left a wet towel on the bed. Or, just walked right past me, that one time, and didn’t kiss me to say hello like he normally does when he gets home from work (does he even love me at all?). My hormones have the ability to make me overthink every tiny little thing (even more so than normal) and to turn those thoughts into chaos in my head.
It’s crazy what our bodies do to us. It’s a wonder how there aren’t more women behind bars because we’ve all gone on a mad rampage and murdered half the street, just for existing.
That being said, we do make it through those psychotic periods with our relationships still intact, and our freedom for that matter. (You didn’t kill him this time but there’s always next month)
So here are 3 reasons you might want a divorce during PMS. But really, you probably shouldn’t – just to let you know.
1. He asked what was for tea (this is a biggy)
That one simple question has the ability to turn you into a fire breathing dragon if asked at the wrong time. The red mist descends and the dragon emerges. But what is it about this question that sets you ablaze?
For me, asked at the wrong time, this question means my hubby thinks I’m just a servant. Someone who’s only good for cooking and cleaning and looking after the kids. How dare he just assume that once again, I will cook? How did this even become my job? My life?
l also had a social life that consisted of more than a brief get together with people that also had kids. Let’s be honest, other people’s kids are the worst. I used to work full time in a place where the “banter” flowed all day, every day. The only “bants” I get nowadays is when I take the piss out of a nuisance caller. There’s only so many times you can hear you’ve had an accident, that you clearly haven’t before you start to play along. What’s for tea was the thing I thought about then. Now it’s the one thing that drives me crazy.
The PMS thought process develops into What would he do if I left and there was no one around to cook for him? He would bloody starve, that’s what!
2. He has the ability to settle the toddler down from a tantrum – instantly.
Once again this is only a problem at the wrong time. When your toddler has given you hell all day and it has well and truly been “one of those days” (an example of which can be found here) you can’t wait to put behind you. Your hubby comes home from work to find a screaming monster throwing herself on the floor because I told her she can’t play with a plug socket. He just picks her up and instantly the tears stop and the angel wings appear as if nothing happened.
On more than one occasion I have, there and then, just burst into tears when this has happened. Then proceeded to take it out on him. Within minutes of walking through the door after working all day, he’s made me feel like the worst mother in the world. After all, what sort of mother leaves her child to cry on the floor because it’s the twentieth time today shes had a tantrum. A mother on the frigging edge, that’s who!
The PMS thought process develops into: If I leave him, we will have to share custody and then he will experience having a screaming toddler all day. I would get to come and collect her and be the good guy instead of the bad guy all the time.
3. Because he said you look “nice”.
You ask him how you look in that dress you haven’t worn since before you gave birth to a baby with a basketball-sized head. He responds with “nice”. NICE! Are you F***ing kidding me. I produced another human being from my moo. Which to tell you the truth, I’m still not sure what the f**k happened there or how it was even possible. Gained a sh*t load of weight in the process, of which I’m extremely proud to have now mostly lost. And all I get is “nice”.
I don’t want nice. Nice is what you say when someone makes a good move during a game of chess (not that we play chess, ever). Nice is how you describe a friends pair of shoes or a coat that actually is not very nice at all. It’s not what you say to your partner of 12 years that has taken the time – for the first time in a long time – to make herself look more than half-decent (maybe even shaved her legs).
The PMS thought process develops into – No, your luck is most certainly not in. You clearly don’t love me. In fact, you’re probably seeing some whore from work. That’s it, we’re done!
After the storm
Once the red mist recedes and your blood has cooled, you realise that the man you are angry at for asking what’s for tea, or saying you look “nice” or calming down an unruly toddler, is actually the man who works his ass off every day for you. He works to put food in the fridge and pay the bill’s and mortgage. He’s tired after a long hard day but instantly recognises that you’ve also had a tough one and takes the monster off your hands as soon as he walks through the door to give you a well-needed break.
He takes on the pressures of the world so you don’t have to. He helps his parents financially every month because, in his words, they spent their lives raising him to be the man he is and now it’s his turn to return the favour. He’s the one our friends/waifs and strays (more about that here) and family come to for support and help. Or, even just an ear because they know if he can, he will.
He’s probably the most generous, kind & patient person you know.
So, that’s why you shouldn’t leave him, because he actually hasn’t done anything wrong. After so many years together, he knows you and he knows your PMS brain is making you act like a crazy bitch. He knows on occasion your crazy ass hormones will make his life hell. But he also knows it’s only for a brief time and he accepts it. He knows he will never be able to understand why you overreacted or why you burst into tears for seemingly no apparent reason.
And knowing all this, he loves you anyway and wouldn’t have you any other way.
Your Not Alone
PMS affects many women and although at the time you feel like there’s no one who could possibly understand how you’re feeling, you’re wrong. As many as 3 in 4 women know how you’re feeling. There are also things you can do to help with PMS symptoms, check out my post on 3 Things You Can Do to Help with PMS Symptoms.
If you feel your PMS goes beyond what would be considered normal, ie. severe irritability or a feeling of depression in the weeks leading up to your period, you may be suffering from something called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) – this is similar to PMS but more severe. For more information on PMDD check out mind.org.uk for more information on what it is and possible treatments.
Do you have any examples of when you have wanted to ditch the other half? If so, I would love to hear them.