Are you a good mum? It’s a question I ask myself a lot, multiple times a day in fact. The question comes in different shapes and sizes but they’re all essentially the same one – Did I do enough with her today? Do I give her the right food? Is she drinking enough water? Did I let her watch too much Peppa Pig today? Should I have said no when she asked for a treat? Was I too hard on her when she threw a tantrum because she couldn’t have a second treat? Should I have let her stay longer in the play park? Was I too impatient when it took nearly 20 minutes to get her coat and shoes on? Is she learning enough? Am I reading enough to her? Should I be spending more time working on colours and numbers?
I mean, the list is endless isn’t it. But they’re all part of the same one… Am I a good mum?
The Motherhood Rule Book
When we become parents for the first time our lives are changed forever. Another human becomes the centre of your world and completely dependable on you. But motherhood doesn’t come with a rule book so how are we supposed to know if we are doing a good job or not. How do we know we’re not royally screwing things up?
In a world of the Internet & Social Media, we have ample opportunity to compare ourselves to others. People posting their perfect lives, perfect kids & perfect parenting. Causing you to doubt yourself and your parenting skills. But all you are seeing is one “perfect” moment out of a whole host of non-perfect moments.
Come on, if you think the mother who only posts pictures of perfectly dressed children playing nicely in the play park is real, your wrong! It’s not real, not even close. What you’re not seeing is the fact they’d only just arrived at the play park and the picture was quickly taken before all hell broke loose. Your not seeing the grazed knees and tears from the multiply tumbles. The snot dripping nose and red blotchy cheeks from running around in the cold air. The pushing and shoving from other kids that has you glaring at the other parents, willing them to sort their bloody kids out. The rageing, rolling around on the floor tantrum at being told it was time to leave. Or the tremendous amount of bribery it took (enough to give any professional negotiator a run for their money) just to get on the other side of the railings.
You ARE a good mum because…
This interrogation we give ourselves every single day is actually the reason why the answer is, yes! You are a good mum! If the answer was no, you wouldn’t be asking the question in the first place.
So, in case you need a reminder, here are just some of the reasons you are a good mum.
Unsurprisingly the first on the list is – you’re asking yourself if you’re a good mum!
As I said before, for this reason alone, you are a good mum.
Your home is a little loud and a little messy
A good mum is not overly conscious of an untidy home. Don’t get me wrong, you might like your house to look presentable to some degree but there are more important things to worry about (like the cat losing a tail if your toddler doesn’t let go). You accept the toys here, there and everywhere, the occasional jammy handprints and random small bits of porridge appearing out of nowhere for hours after breakfast, is all apart of your life. And the noise? Well, a noisy home is a happy home.
You worry, about everything
It’s true, us mums worry. We want the absolute best for our kids and we worry about every aspect of their lives even into adulthood. My mum always told me, she worried when there was nothing to worry about and now I have children of my own I completely get it, I do the same thing.
You’re ready for sleep by 7 pm
Anyone who thinks motherhood is easy are most likely assholes. It’s true most of us choose this life, we choose to be mothers but from the words of Julia Donaldson, it doesn’t mean we can’t grumble and grouse (sorry, A squash & A Squeeze is our current favourite bedtime story and it’s stuck in my head). Just because we want to be mothers doesn’t make the job any easier or less exhausting. Feeling knackered by the end of the day usually means we’ve spent the day doing everything for everyone else. So roll on bedtime.
You have good days and bad
Do you ever get to the end of the day and think what a good day you’ve had with your little one? Maybe you had a day out or did lots of fun activities at home, or maybe you just managed to make it through the day without any meltdowns. We all have days but we also have bad days. They’re the ones that have you wishing you could start the day again and do everything differently. Or, by the end of the day you’re just glad it’s over. Sometimes it might seem like the bad outway the good but being the great mum you are, you will push through knowing that they’re only age for a short time. Before you know it you will be wishing for the time again.
Sometimes you get it wrong
Your not perfect, no one is. At some stage we are all doing this thing call parenting for the first time and who gets everything right the first time around? Exactly, no one. There will be times wonder what the hell you’re doing. Whether you have one kid or twenty-one, sometimes you’re going to get it wrong and you shouldn’t punish yourself when you do. A good mum will make mistakes but she’ll also learn from them and move on.
You got your big girl pants
And I don’t mean those big old granny pants you have stashed away in your underwear drawer. I mean the big girl pants you might sometimes have to dust off just to get out of the bed and face the day. As much as we occasionally like to think we are, we are not superheroes. We have days when we would rather hide under the duvet for eternity then face the world. Whether it’s a severe bout of PMT or a bad cold that’s knocked you off your feet, as a mother you can’t just shut yourself away when you have little humans depending on you for their every need. No, you’ve got to get your big girl pants on and put your best foot forward (or as best as it can get anyway).
So, if you can agree to at least one of these, know you ARE a good mum. There are superheroes in all of us, but even heroes have their bad days.
Share the love and send this onto other great mums to let them know they too are doing a good job.